Hello, hello! Welcome to my coaching site. Here's a little bit about me so you know where I'm coming from. I grew up in NJ in a chaotic household filled with six other individuals: five kids total and two adults who were overwhelmed by work and society.
My parents were educated in the Philippines and came to the US to build a new life. They're my heroes AND I also spent many years blaming them for just about everything that was wrong in my life.
Did you go through that phase too?
After I got divorced in my 30s, I realized there was no one left to blame except me. I needed to grow up and take responsibility for my life and my decisions.
And now here we are, at age 46, finally growing up and understanding what's been holding me back all these years.
My nervous system was constantly being challenged, whether it was emotionally, psychologically, physically, and mentally. It could never quite catch a break until I began to intentionally train it.
I know, you'd think talking about things in therapy and trying every healing modality in the book would change how your nervous system functions. And yes, those things work, but not for a lasting period of time.
You see, the whole goal of healing is that at some point, you're out there living life. You can't do that easily if your nervous system is highly reactive.
You need tools to understand how to modulate your responses because, there's no way around it, your nervous system is going to continue doing its job of keeping you alive.
AS IT SHOULD! We try to turn ourselves off by numbing with drugs and alcohol and other escapes which are all fine and dandy, but not long term solutions if you're wanting to live a conscious, creative life.
If you're not familiar with Polyvagal Theory, check out THIS LINK.
What's super cool about nervous system regulation is how it links up with attachment theory.
Now, don't get caught up in labeling yourself a specific attachment style. It really depends on the context of a relationship and it's very possible that you can be more anxiously attached with one person and more avoidant with someone else.
The main gist with the overlap of these theories is that they help you understand what the heck's been going on in your life so you can actually do something about it!
So here's the really concise version of that:
When you can understand the things that trigger your alarm system (AKA your nervous system), you can 1. Learn ways to tweak the system so it's not as sensitive, 2. You can discover what alerts the system, 3. You can install the system in a completely different environment, 4. You can make the system highly adaptable.
We're creating a baseline of safety inside your body so that THEN you can be centered enough to take a look at your environment (your relationships).
Make sense? I hope so! There are amazing experts out there who can explain this more deeply. Check out THIS PODCAST to really understand what's happening on the relationships side of things.